Kimi Taylor has been living the military life since 2007 when she married her husband, Brandon. They married right after Brandon’s West Point commissioning ceremony, which Kimi attended as his fiancée. “The West Point graduation ceremony is phenomenal,” Kimi says. She adds, “Most military ceremonies start to run together after a while. They’re so similar and you attend so many over the years, but Brandon’s graduation from West Point is something I’ll always remember.”

How Kimi and Brandon met sounds like one of those serendipitous, meet-cute stories that Hallmark movies are based on. Or so Kimi has heard countless times over the years when she recounts it. “I attended Seton Hall for college. I had a partial academic scholarship and played soccer there, but after two years I transferred to the University of Hawaii, where I received a half academic/half athletic scholarship. That first year in Hawaii I was missing my friends from back in Seton Hall so much that my parents gave me an airplane ticket to New York as my Christmas present.” Kimi goes on to relate that she flew to New York in early January that year and had a great time with her Seton Hall friends. She’d been telling them that she wanted them all to go to New York City for a day, but when that day came all her friends bowed out. Kimi, not to be deterred, went by herself.

At New York City’s iconic Penn Station, Kimi stepped onto the up escalator and Brandon stepped onto the down escalator. Their eyes met and they stared at each other the whole ride. Once she reached the top, Kimi stepped off the escalator and a few seconds later heard a voice talking to her. It was Brandon, who had turned and run up the stairs as soon as he got to the bottom to catch her before she could disappear from his life forever. After explaining that she lived 6,000 miles away, the two exchanged phone numbers and somehow managed to make the long-distance thing work until they could be reunited post-college. The rest, as they say, is (military family) history.

In the 17 years the Army has been moving her family around, Kimi has endured multiple deployments. “My husband’s battalion deployed one day after our first son was born,” she recalls. “They gave him two weeks at home and then he had to leave to join his unit.” He deployed again when their second son was just under one year old. For their third child, Brandon was there, but the family PCSed from Arizona five week later.

For Kimi, whose father was a police officer, the idea of service, protection, discipline, and sense of duty that we associate with military members wasn’t too difficult to adapt to, but everything else about military life came with a steep learning curve. “Both of my grandfathers served in the military, one in the Navy and one in the Air Force, and my uncle was in the Marines, but all were retired by the time I came around,” Kimi explains. “So, I had no concept of what military life was like. The acronyms alone are like learning a foreign language!” Still, the most surprising thing for Kimi has been that the military moves you wherever you state you don’t want to go. “You fill out your wish list of where you’d like to go next,” she says, “and if you’ve listed your top 40 choices, the military comes back and says we’re sending you to your 41^st choice.” It’s consistent, she adds. None of the seven duty stations they’ve had so far has been one of their top choices.

The other challenging aspect of military life (besides multiple deployments, countless TDYs, and never going where you hope to go) has been finding gainful employment. “I have to work,” Kimi says. “Everything is so expensive, especially where we’re stationed now in Hawaii.” For Kimi, freelancing has become so much easier today, but it’s still hard to consistently find remote work. Kimi herself has basically started a new business each time they’ve moved. She’s worked as a graphic designer, a photographer, an illustrator, and a seamstress for customized baby carriers and wraps, plus she has taught herself to weave. “I bought my first loom and taught myself how to weave baby wraps. Sometimes I still look at the pieces I’ve kept for myself and marvel that I made them. I love creating with my hands and weaving just seemed like a natural fit.”

Since moving to Hawaii, Kimi has sold all but her most beloved loom. It remains in storage in the continental U.S. since Hawaii’s climate is too humid for it. Plus, given how expensive the cost of living is there, they don’t have space in their house for it. Which means Kimi is reinventing herself professionally once again. “Since moving to Hawaii, I’ve started another business, Fate Whispers Graphic Design. I work with authors and the bookish community. It’s both a full-service graphic design business and a nerdy bookish merchandise shop through Etsy where I am licensed by various authors to create merchandise using quotes and ideas from their books.” The business allows her to use her graphic design skills and love of literature in new, creative ways. It’s just another avenue Kimi has found to create professional opportunities wherever the Army sends her family.

While military life brings significant challenges to professional life, Kimi adds that making friends is challenging as well. “Most of my friends live inside my phone,” she says, meaning it’s rare that her close friends are physically present in her life. While technology makes it easier to maintain connections over long distances, there’s nothing like having friends who are right there. Instead, Kimi has seasonal friends. Friends who come into her life because they’re stationed together or because they have kids in the same activities. She adds, “It’s hard to find like-minded people even when you’re all military.”

It’s not all bad, though. Her family is close, and Kimi’s favorite memories of military life are all wrapped up in the family moments: “I already mentioned the West Point graduation, which is a highlight of military life, but my favorite memories are the Christmases we’ve all been together as a family. The best memories are the small ones. The ones that are ‘just us’ being together as a family. No guests, no other people, just our family hanging out together.” Speaking of Christmas, Kimi’s family doesn’t have many holiday traditions they insist on, instead letting where they are and whether they’re all together or not dictate their plans, but they do have one tradition that Kimi misses and hopes to start again. “Somewhere along the way, we started going together to a movie on Christmas Day. We stopped during COVID, but I’d really like to start up again. That, and my husband always insists the tree go up the day after Thanksgiving. Those are probably the only traditions we really try to make happen every year.”

When we asked her what advice she’d give new military spouses, Kimi doesn’t hesitate: “Be flexible. You have no choice. Be as flexible as Gumby.” Something will always come up. Plans will change. So don’t plan, she adds. Or if you do plan, expect that there will be changes.

Kimi offers another piece of advice for milspouses: “Always ask if a place has a military discount. It might be awkward, but ask even to the point of being weird about it. You never know when it might work.” She also recommends the Veterans Transition Association. You have to apply via an Eventbrite application, but they offer free Coursera courses to military spouses. Kimi has taken advantage of that opportunity as well as the seven free Coursera courses military spouses can access through Hiring Our Heroes. Coursera can help you stay relevant, whether it’s in a career field or just new avenues you want to explore.

Finally, when asked what her military spouse motto would be, Kimi laughs and says, “’Yep, sounds about right.’” She adds, “I’m not sure how many times I’ve said that over the years, but it’s a lot. Although, it’s probably better to say, ‘Just roll with it’ for a motto instead.”

Kimi participated in the Empowering the Homefront 2023 Entrepreneur Cohort hosted by Powerhouse President Jessica Bertsch and has recently joined the Powerhouse Planning freelancer team. We’re excited to have her on board and look forward to all the amazing contributions she will bring.

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Jessica Bertsch, president of Powerhouse Planning and proud 17-year military spouse to a CAPT in the U.S. Coast Guard

In 1976, my father-in-law wrote Nobody Asked Me But . . . and my husband, who is currently serving in the United States Coast Guard, recently sent it my way. I thought the write-up was brilliant, and I wanted to attempt to write it from a military spouse perspective. So, here you go . . .

Friends,

The following is a list of what frustrates me to no end when it comes to being a military spouse:

1. The 25+ deployments I have been through
2. The endless nights of solo parenting
3. The dang fire alarm that ONLY goes off at 2 a.m. when my husband is at sea
4. The T.V. remote that never works once he ships out
5. The ant invasion that happens day two into his deployment that means I now have to become the “exterminator”
6. The car issues I have to deal with by myself and explain by noise and vocal demonstrations to the mechanic
7. The selling of homes twice solo
8. Reregistering my company in five different states
9. Having to change my state of residency three times because of owning a business
10. Dealing with a break-in and going to court solo to provide a statement to the judge
11. Registering the kids for doctors and dentists every. single. move
12. Finding a new church every. single. move
13. Building a sense of community every. single. move
14. Chasing a squirrel out of my house while my husband was at sea (Thanks, Tim and Ron, for helping me on that one. That’s the best defense I’ve ever seen in a noncompetitive sport.)
15. Evacuating from two hurricanes with three small children and a dog (which was made even more frustrating when all the stores ran out of ice, so I was “forced” to buy boxed wine so the wine bags could serve as ice bags to keep my food cold)
16. Sending a dog to heaven solo
17. Finding a leak in the ceiling of our first home only to realize the home was infested with black mold and being removed for months while the home was tarped, gutted, and remodeled
18. Having to explain that the U.S. Coast Guard is indeed part of the military
19. Having to explain what the U.S. Coast Guard does
20. Having to answer the question “How do you do it?” a thousand times over the past 17 years
21. Not being able to travel internationally easily because my spouse needs special permission
22. Not being able to take vacation easily or on a whim because my spouse needs permission
23. Not ever having a spouse that is settled in a career because he is essentially restarting his career every two to three years
24. Having a spouse who has a PhD but makes only a portion of his worth
25. Dealing with a horrible dental plan (currently we pay out of pocket for ours)

But the thing I hate most is that I love it.

I love the other spouses and friends I’ve met on this journey.

I love that I’m married to a man who has given so selflessly to our country.

I love that throughout his career journey he has seen me as an equal and provided me a place to share my dreams, hopes, and wishes and has worked tirelessly to provide me fulfillment too along the way.

I love that I’ve been forced to learn a ton of things the hard way, but, man, it’s made me strong.

I am grateful for this military spouse walk and can proudly look back at every single home we’ve had and see blessings each step of the way.

Onward I go to keep loving this crazy life we’ve built.

Did you enjoy this article? Read the full e-magazine, here.

Jessica Bertsch is a proud Coastie wife and mom to three children. In her “spare” time she runs Powerhouse Planning, LLC: powerhouseplanning.com. 

Fionna Schoener and her Marine husband, Jay, celebrated their first year of marriage in December 2023. The two met during college through friends. “Jay did his first year at the Naval Academy,” Fionna explains. “I was at Penn State. Friends introduced us. Jay ended up transferring to Penn State after that first year.” Though Jay’s year at the Naval Academy gave Fionna “a taste” of military life, she had no experience with the military prior to marrying him. “I think maybe a great, great-grandparent or someone may have served, but no one in my memory.”

Currently, Jay and Fionna are enjoying their first duty station, where Fionna works as an architectural designer at a firm that designs K-12 schools. “I love it,” she says, referring to both her chosen profession and the firm she currently calls her work home. Remote work isn’t really an option in her field, and she’s dreading the day they PCS. “I don’t want to leave my firm,” Fionna says, “but I know I’ll have to find a new firm. And it will be a great opportunity, too.”

That attitude, one where she embraces the challenges of military life, has already seen her through Jay’s first deployment. “Nothing can prepare you for that first deployment,” Fionna says. “The missing communication during deployment is so hard. You’re used to sharing everything about your day with this person. Sure, we have texts and things, but nothing replaces that everyday communication you’re used to.”

Even with all the challenges that come with deployment, Fionna focuses on the positives. “When Jay deployed, we hadn’t been where we are for very long,” she says. “I didn’t know a lot of people, but during his deployment so many people came to check on me and now we are close friends. I wasn’t alone one weekend of his deployment.” In fact, if she had to offer a piece of advice to new military spouses it would be this: “Say yes to everything. Put yourself out there.” It’s advice that didn’t come naturally to her, but Fionna stands by it. “It wasn’t exactly comfortable, but I would accept any offers to hang out, go with someone to something,” she says. “Now, Jay and I just hosted our first Friendsgiving with our new friends. That wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t been open to trying new things.”

Speaking of trying new things, a new hobby ranks among Fionna’s favorite memories as a military spouse so far. “We’re in southern California,” Fionna says, “So Jay and I decided to try surfing. It’s not something either one of us had done before and we never would have had this opportunity if not for the military. Now, it’s one of our favorite things to do together.” In addition to creating the memories that each duty station affords them, Fionna and Jay are committed to settle into each place they’ll be stationed no matter how long they’ll be there. “It’s important to settle in,” Fionna stresses, “no matter how long we’ll be there.” How does she do that? “I find a church,” she says. “That’s important to us. Once we have a church, we start to make friends. But whatever helps you make a place a home, focus on making that among your first priorities when you move.”

As for reflecting on her first year as a military spouse, Fionna says there’s one thing she wishes new military spouses knew before becoming a military spouse. “It’s a job!” she says. “In addition to your relationship, especially as you’re starting out and learning what that looks like for the two of you, being a military spouse is a lot of work. It’s worth it, but it’s a job.” Just in the first year, Fionna has made lifelong friends, taken up a new hobby, survived her husband’s first deployment, found a rewarding job at a firm she loves, and is already looking toward what comes next. As she says, if military spouses had a motto, it’d probably be, “We’ll make it work!” One year in, Fionna is living proof of that.

Did you enjoy this article? Read the full e-magazine, here.